i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
