so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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