I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
