ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Congratulations! We have a period
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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