I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
