Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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