i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
