my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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