You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
