If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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