My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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