i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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