DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
