Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
