It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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