can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
