a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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