Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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