using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
