see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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