A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
