It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
