i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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