OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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