Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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