My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
