are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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