just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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