You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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