your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
