I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How does one acquire holy water?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
