Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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