I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?