It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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