New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered