I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
