Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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