Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize