I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
