how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't notice because vodka
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
