And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
