Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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