Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
