They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize