WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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