South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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