Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
