I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
