I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
