med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
