dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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