A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
