I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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