I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
