On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize