Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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