i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
