I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we're making bets on your personal life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
