I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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