suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
