Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
