this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
