i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
