you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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