i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
