i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaĆt comercial?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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