FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize