Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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