Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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