You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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