i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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